Oh, yappy dog.

The yappy dog downstairs is yapping. It's nearing midnight, and yet the dog still yaps.

Hush, yappy dog, hush.

I understand why people like dogs, generally. I rather like particular breeds of dog myself, and would perhaps consider owning a Lab - particularly a Chocolate Lab - or something similar. However, small yappy dogs do not fit the "dog" bill, for me. Apologies to anyone who owns one, but... er... I think they suck.

We have two smaller dogs living below us (only for another few weeks, bless!) and though they are the same size and might even be the same breed, only one qualifies as a "yappy" dog. I believe it's somewhat neglected, in fact, though not in a call-the-spca way. Simply, I think Yappy Dog's owner doesn't pay it much attention. Therefore, it yaps. A lot.

Shhhhhhh, little yappy dog. I would like to get some sleep tonight.

Class From Hell is almost over. Counting tonight, there are two classes left.

I was breathing a sigh of relief - admittedly, an early sigh of relief - when I realized that I need to hand out student evaluations tonight. I have every confidence in the world that these evaluations will suck, so I'm not thrilled about them even in unfilled-out stage.

Granted, being able to leave 1/2 hour early to let the students complete the evaluations is a bonus, in this class. Yes, yes, I know they should do them first thing, so that they don't run out the door without writing comments... see above about "evaluations will suck."

The fact is, it's almost over. I realize that most semesters bring at least one class that just doesn't work, and this was mine.

Spring!

After last week's snowstorm, even Mr. Squirrel was starting to wonder if Spring would ever come. This weekend and into Monday, we hit the low 80's - this, less than a week after the snowstorm - and today has settled into sunny low 60's. It's Spring, thank gosh.

With more sun and warmer weather, I feel like I can make some strides toward exercise and improved diet*. Once again I'm cutting out beer (this seems to work for a week, and then I slide for a week or two) and trying to get daily cardio exercise. My goal is to go with the cardio for two solid weeks, and then try to add strength training back in. I still can't find anything that counts as "strength training" that I'll do reliably, so it's always more difficult for me than cardio.

Does yoga count as strength training? Obviously it's great for muscle tone, but does that count?

*As I've said before, "diet" for me essentially means "no beer." There's not a lot to fix, otherwise. I rarely eat sugar, I don't drink soda, and we make most (if not all) of our meals at home. My body has a low tolerance for packaged-type foods, so most everything is fresh.

snowstorm!

Yes, it is April 16th. Yes, that is waaaaay past the Spring Equinox. And yes, I'm in the NorthEast and just got almost a foot of snow. (ETA: The picture above is what I found when I tried to leave for class this morning. No, that's not a perspective issue... the branch really is about the size of my car. It missed it by about three feet.)

Mr. Squirrel's college has closed for the day. My college (as usual) has not. Honestly, it's not impressively bad outside, so I'm not surprised that we're open -- most of the closings are because of the timing of this storm, not how bad it is.

My neighbor is out shoveling, which I find ridiculous as it will be 45 tomorrow, with rain.

I did cancel my office hours for this morning, which is excusable due to the storm. In reality, I reached the saturation point of dumb student emails around 10pm last night, and needed the morning off. Not that any of them come to office hours, or read the syllabus, or read the "reminder!" emails I send out. One student in particular last night, while trying to explain why she wasn't prepared for her seminar today, included the questionable line "I've been really busy with school."

Uh, hello? School, here. As in, your senior seminar?

I'll assume she's talking about her other school and leave it at that.

Update on the weather situation: Boy, was I wrong about it not being horrible outside. I realized - after seeing that branch and clearing my car off - that this is HEAVY, wet snow. I did leave for class, and nearly made it to campus... first, I had to drive over a downed power line. (Er, that probably wasn't very smart, but it was in a major intersection and there wasn't much choice.) Second, the main road to campus had just been closed off by a Very Large Tree crashing down. Finally, as I backed up and turned onto a back road, I was confronted by a Muni Bus that had... jackknifed? Obviously not, but whatever you call it when a bus skids off the road and partially overturns.

I turned around and came home.

Post-Friday the 13th

I'll count this as good Friday the 13th news, since the letter went out yesterday.

My two classes at Even Smaller Private College this fall are not considered adjunct courses, but rather count as a Lecturer position. I know it's silly to be happy about that, but it looks better on my CV, and it's what will be at the top of said CV this job market cycle.

Whee!

Am going in to Most Hated Class earlier than usual today and actually holding office hours.

Have made coffee. Have loaded iPod with appropriate audiobook. Have beer in fridge awaiting my return.

Sigh.

Next week, happily, is movie week: nearing the end of the term I show a film and we spend at least part of the class afterwards dissecting it using tools (supposedly) learned during the semester. What this means for me is that both my night classes next week are lecture-free zones. Whee!!! Watch, though, that I still don't want to go to this particular class when Thursday rolls around...

Anger issues?

I belong to a very small bulletin board that I rarely post on these days. Yesterday, I wandered over and there was a post about hair color. In summary: A high school student had dyed her hair purple, and was sent home from school. The parent was defending her daughter's right to have purple hair, and the poster - the person posting this whole story on the board I belong to - thought that was soooooo ridiculous.

Meaning, ridiculous for the parent to defend their child, apparently.

The whole post ended with "what, so now it's normal for 17 year olds to dye their hair purple?" and "I would have shaved her head and sent her back."

Now, granted, very few people responded (this is supposed to be a friendly-type board, where things don't get debated), but one response was "I sure hope her mother takes pictures, because that girl will laugh at herself later."

Laugh at herself? For her hair color? Maybe if you beat all the individuality and self-confidence out of her, sure! Let's do that!

and so, what to do about this?

After coming straight out in the last post and saying that I can't stand teaching right now, what am I supposed to do about it? I've always been a big believer in being happy with what you do for a living even if it means less money... so now that I have less money and I still hate my job after all, I feel a little fucked.

I came back from class this morning wanting to punch something. The students don't give a shit about class - they're graduating seniors, after all - and nothing at all gets them interested. Maybe I had more energy four years ago when I first taught this class, but it really seems like the interest level from the students has dropped off entirely. A sizable portion of them (10-15%) haven't even bothered to complete their midterm assignment, assuming (I guess) that I won't fail a graduating senior. Of course, I will, which is going to make post-semester email lots and lots of fun.

(And while I'm sure the "four years ago/energy" thing is partially true, it was also the semester I came off Zoloft and got pneumonia. I can't claim that was a really high-energy semester, eh?)

Er... this wasn't supposed to be more bitching. This was supposed to be figuring out what to do about things to make them better. I tried doing the "teach less/take out loans" route last Fall, and it was a disaster. Certainly I wrote two chapters of my dissertation, and taught an entirely new course, but for most of the time I think I just sat around. Plus, I'm already committed to five classes next semester, so there aren't a lot of options there.

I'm just stuck in this horrible rut where I don't care about anything and I don't feel like doing very much. I keep hoping that some external change - end of the semester, beginning of Spring, whatever - will make me feel better, but I've been hoping that for at least a year.

Update: I've just spent over an hour cleaning my study, in an attempt to sort out my... life? I have listed books on Amazon.com, I have vacuumed and taken out trash, and I've even put shoes away.* There's more cleaning out and organizing to be done, but I'm feeling spent.

*I have a gazillion shoes, even though I typically wear one or two pairs in a 6-month span. If I'll just be out for an hour or two, heels are possible, but lately my feet can't handle them.

No, it's not Monday, but...

Started posting yesterday about the "last day of my mini-break" and just couldn't finish it. Right now, I should be leaving for office hours, but I can't seem to.

Last night, Sasha and I were talking about the mini-break (which he hasn't really had, as one of his schools had classes) and how it's pretty horrible for adjuncts to go the full semester with no down time. My idea was to be more aware when doing our schedules, and assign a couple "research days" when necessary to make breaks match up. His response was "I just need to stop teaching six classes every semester."

Well, yes.

Next semester will be my first time teaching five classes - I usually teach four - and I'm nervous about it. Yet, Sasha usually teaches five or six, because he had higher bills and needed the extra money (note that I say "had" higher bills... he'll be done paying them off this November). This semester he only had five courses (four of those in the immediate area, even!) until another professor fell ill. That sixth course (an 8.30am, MWF, 45 minutes away) has been a killer for him, but he felt he needed to take it to prove his usefulness or something. Oh, and the woman who gave it up... well, despite said illness she managed to keep teaching her once-a-week, half-semester course. Odd, that.

The point of this - yes, I'm getting to a point - is that I'm not alone in feeling a bit burnt out from the adjuncting world. At least I'll get a break for two or three weeks, soon - although I need to prep a course for the first summer session that I've never taught - poor Sasha has "Maymester" as well as Summer A and B session courses. (Er, I would have taken Maymester in a heartbeat, but I didn't get my course scheduled... don't think I'm not trying!)

I often wonder if I'll be too jaded, after this, to ever enjoy teaching again. Right now I can't stand it.

rough draft: email policy

Comments? Additions or subtractions? Does it sound too... overbearing?

(Edited to make sure no one could "find" me from this next semester.)

Is the semester over yet?

I just got an email from some random AOL address saying (I quote) "can you please send me another syllabus."

That's it. No signature, no course number, nothing. (No subject line, even.)

My response was "Sure! Who are you and what course are you taking from me?"

*grumble*

Milk Moon?

I simply cannot make up my mind whether to order this or not. The Milk Moon at BPAL goes away tomorrow, and I either get over this, or order it. Nothing else tempts me in the LE's except for the Monster Baits, but those I can probably test before ordering bottles (they're up for much longer).

Wait, "until April 5th" means through April 5th, right? Not midnight of April 4th? Crap.

Update: I'm such a freak. I went over there and got to the final stage of the order, and then backed out at the last minute. Part of the issue is that if I order one bottle I really should order the other (non-LE) one I want (shipping and all, you know?) but then I'm at $40 and I think about ... other things to do with $40?

Although, you know, I do put $40 a week aside for not smoking, and I'm supposed to be able to use that as I wish.

Oh, bother. I'm going to freak out over this until I finally go to bed.

Today I started revising chapter one. I live in fear of revising chapter two, but it won't happen for at least another month and this chapter is in decent shape.

Current issues:

• I've come to realize that what I had going in my rough of chapter three is really more development for chapter one. This is good in terms of expanding chapter one, but not so good in terms of where chapter three is at. Note, however, that this is why I'm returning to one & two (because I had no idea, anymore, what I'd said in them).
• I may well have to abandon my current "ethical" method of research. Yes, I've been struggling with this for two years, and yes, it's essentially what is holding up the whole dissertation. I'm really ambivalent about the stance I've taken on this, and at times it all seems rather silly to me. Neither of my advisers wants to advise on this, which leaves me sad and lonely. Seriously: if it were being published I would be more concerned about the anonymity issues... but it's going to be in the dissertation cage in the library, FFS.

Goodbye, Friday morning.

Where do weekends go? Where?

After yet another weekend of not accomplishing a damn thing, I'm heading into the office early to get some grading done. If I would sit down for a couple hours on Sunday and plow through this stuff, I would be able to sleep in until 8am most mornings (and 9am on Fridays!) but I never do.

I had an odd email from a grad student asking me for recommendations in my field of research. In theory, this isn't abnormal, but the actual email was odd. She was obviously trying to use the "proper academic language," which in our field means everything gets "problematized" and issues have "facets" and... blah, blah, blah. Fine, fine, she's just new, but the problem with the email was that it made no sense. I've been trying to come up with a parallel to the email to explain why it made no sense, but I can't even do that.

Must go grade papers. Ack.