Sunday, October 21, 2007

I have a new class, starting tomorrow.

Through some very odd circumstances, I was asked to take over a class mid-semester. I'm generally happy about this - in fact, the chair of the department is amazingly nice, which makes things easier - but I have lingering first-day-of-class fears.

The syllabus is already in place, and I'm fine with it; any readings I haven't done are merely other versions of things I have read. In fact, these readings will really help me revamp one of my own syllabi for next semester -- bonus points!

No, it's really the idea of walking into a classroom where bonds are already established between students, and I'm more the interloper than usual, as professor. And it's not even freaking me out that much, just enough that it's obviously on my mind. In some ways the situation is quite liberating: if it weren't for me taking over, the class likely would have been cancelled, so I really can run crazy with it.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

(Some semesters I don't get sick.)

Some semesters I seem to be constantly fighting off illness, and I occasionally succumb to it. On those days, whether or not I make it to class has a lot to do with how far I have to drive... if my class is down the street, I'll (usually) drag my ass in anyway. If it's an hour drive each way, I'm far more likely to cancel.

I really don't like driving long distances when I'm ill.

I assume that part of the reason full-timers seem to rarely cancel class is that they generally live closer to their campuses? Or does everyone occasionally cancel class due to illness, and I'm just not aware of it?

Monday, October 15, 2007

I turned in a rough draft of chapter three, today. I think it sucks, mostly.

One chapter left to rough out, and then I'm left with the joyful task of revising the whole thing.

I'm not as pissy about this as this post is sounding. I actually wasn't expecting to turn in a draft today, and I think that getting it in is generally good.

However, the last time I submitted a rough I got comments back like "this transition is horrible"... Hello? What does rough draft mean to you? If all my points were clear and my transitions were good, I would call that a finished version.

Le sigh.

Still, this means I can hammer away at this chapter for another two weeks and then move on. Chapter Four is actually supposed to be the easiest (!) and shouldn't take very long. I'll have a complete draft before any interviews take place this year, and should be set to defend in March.

Um... I haven't accomplished stuff for my classes, though. And I'm seriously considering having a beer or two, despite it being a weekday.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Oh dear.

You know when you have those evenings with friends where you all drink too much, and lots of stuff is shared, and it brings you closer?

K. I had that night tonight, except that:

a) it wasn't with my friends
b) I think I was the only one not tipsy (and how often does that happen?)
c) I didn't share, nor was I tempted
d) I don't feel closer to anyone. I more felt a need to bathe when I got home.

Seriously, it was sort of weird. I'm sitting here with my cat, who has been very cuddly tonight for no apparent reason other than that I need a cuddly cat. Er, and she usually refuses to be all cute and fluffy on demand. As is fitting for a cat.

I also failed the "no beer" thing today, although I only had one out at dinner. Am thinking several more were probably in order.

Oh, also? Sent my paper away yesterday, and have not heard back from the other panel members... even in a "we got it" way. Usually emails are responded to immediately. Now I'm wondering if someone read it and said "hey, WTF is she talking about? This sucks! Can we get her off the panel this late?" I hate insecurity.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Tomorrow is a goal day.
  • teach classes
  • finish paper
  • send off paper
  • drink no beer
Seriously, that's it. Feel free to mock the simplistic nature of my goals... I welcome mockery.

ETA: I have not had a beer. However, the day is not yet over, so I'll wait to cross that one out. But LOOK! at the crossing out! of the paper! I'm really pleased, even though I know it needs a bit more editing before the conference. For me, "needs a bit more editing" is where I'm usually at when I stand up to present the damn thing. Whee!!!

Damn the working draft...

I do not do drafts well.

As of Thursday I was happy with what I had done on the conference paper. And it's true: I have a great draft, here.

The problem is, I suck at adding onto drafts. I currently have four versions of the paper, and I should be working on assembling those. However, I have no patience with going through each of them to figure out what's not already common to the final draft.

This is why I should never pay attention to people who criticize my writing style. I work by writing straight through, and stopping when I hit a problem area. Everyone says "no, no, just move on to some other part" but FUCK THAT. Seriously, that's how other people work. Why do other people constantly assume that they do things "right"? Skipping ahead may work for some people, but all it does for me is create a lot of stress later.

BTW, this isn't directed at anyone in particular... it's (honestly) the advice I seem to get from everyone about writing.

I'm just really sick of people, right now.

Oh, also, the in-laws just left. That might explain part of my mood.

ETA: I also might need a backbone. It's one thing to give a different style of writing a shot (that's just being open, right?) but when it consistently doesn't work, it's probably best to stop doing it, instead of continuing to bitch about how it doesn't work.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Am unhappy with our cat. It's not quite 6am, and I have been up for 1/2 hour already. This was not intentional -- I was already prepared for class, and didn't need extra work time this morning. What I needed was six hours of sleep, not five. Well, really, I need eight, but that's not going to happen very often during the week.

Our cat decided that I really needed to be awake. She's done this before, and I just don't know where she learned the habit: she pokes at me with one paw until I wake up. If I move or try to go back to sleep, she keeps doing it.

Of course, she won't do this to Mr. Squirrel while he's sleeping -- just to me.

Some mornings I just don't get it: I don't understand how anyone teaches early morning classes* or how some professors never miss class. If I didn't have to go in today for other reasons, I'd be really close to canceling. Five hours of not-very-good sleep is not enough for me to function.

Goals were accomplished, yesterday. I have a full draft of the paper, and could finish it entirely today if I can stay awake after class. I went over chapter three, and I seem to be missing some parts I thought were written. I assume they're somewhere, and I don't think they were very good in any case.

* This is not the first early morning class I've had, nor even the earliest. It is the furthest away I've had an early class, though, and that makes a difference.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Goals for the day:
  • have working draft of conference paper done before leaving the office
  • review what I have written for ch. 3 of dissertation
I think I need a new word-count bar.

Oh, also: I slept like crazy last night. I succumbed to a 2-hour nap in the afternoon, and thought I'd messed up my schedule for sure... nope. Got about 7.5 hours last night, and feel almost human again. Considering that I'm well-prepped for class today and I'm allowing myself to wear jeans, I feel pretty good. All that's left to do is pick some appropriate BPAL.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

6:22am

Here's hoping for fewer early mornings, next semester. Try as I may, I cannot get to bed before midnight. As we're nearing midterms I'm tempted to schedule a reading day for my early-AM class...

My inbox this morning contained a confirmation for the tour under St. Peter's Basilica. I haven't had the heart to cancel any of our reservations yet, and I forgot that I'd written the Vatican about that one.