Ah, Monday.

Because of the timing for our summer session, I have 4-day weekends right now. They're great, but damn if Monday isn't even worse than usual. Today I need goals, or I will get nothing done.

• 11am - bike: 30mins. - I have been out of the habit since my change in schedule two weeks ago. Must get back into habit.
• 1pm - work on dissertation: 30mins. - I know it's not much, but see above about "habit." ETA: why is this so hard to do? Seriously, I cannot seem to make myself open the file and work on it, even for 30min. Have decided to have a bit more coffee, take a shower, and start the day over.
  
• re-read articles for course (1/2 done)
  
• go into office at 5pm
  
• grade three papers - must not fall behind on these - added office time because it's easier to grade there.

Things I've done that weren't on the list:

• One load of laundry (I really needed to do that).
• Cleaned stovetop.
• Drafted odd email begging for scheduling change.
• Cleaned balcony (see below).
  

I was intending to go into the office for the dissertation work, but I think I'm going to clean up the balcony a bit (sometime between 11.30 - 1!) and start working out there. My father is passing along last year's laptop to me, so I'll finally have something with battery life.

ETA #2: Okay, I'm fucked. I decided to put everything together for dinner because... well, because I didn't want to be angry at Mr. Squirrel, later, for not remembering to make something. I figured I would shower afterward, but as I was beginning to cook a friend of Mr. Squirrel's dropped by.

At times, this guy will stay for HOURS. He's already been here an hour, and I WANT HIM TO LEAVE. I can't take a shower while he's here, as the set-up of our flat doesn't allow for much privacy in cases like this. (It's private enough that I could shower, but... I'd basically have to take all my clothes into the bathroom and dress in a cloud of steam afterward.) Why Mr. Squirrel hasn't realized this and at least taken this guy into another room or out on the front balcony is beyond me.

I'm in a fucking horrible mood, now.

Huh?

About ten minutes ago I stuck my head in Mr. Squirrel's office to say hello.

He's busy, fine. As I'm leaving - because he's so busy - I suddenly get:

Him: "Why do you study gender and sexuality?"*
Me: Uh... I started studying it in my Master's program, and I still do...
Him: "Right, but why?"

Apparently in 30 seconds or less, I'm supposed to explain this to my partner of six years? He's too busy working on lecture notes to give me the time of day, but this we can cover? Because apparently he hasn't been paying attention for.... six years?

Then suddenly he's saying how odd it is that I discuss these issues on the phone with my parents and my siblings. Right, because the first two weeks of a new semester, no one on the face of the earth discusses the topics their classes are covering. Especially not on the phone, with family. And especially not when members of the family also teach university.

[* I figure it's pretty obvious I teach about gender issues... since it's just a sub-field in what I do, it's not really that compromising, identity-wise.]

post-holiday angst

This idea of having both sets of parents in one house for six days was... bad. A bad idea. Mr. Squirrel keeps saying that things could be much worse, but "worse" would have to involve screaming and bloodshed.

The worst bits for me are the snarky little comments I've been getting from Mr. Squirrel's parents about my relationship with my parents. Apparently I'm mean (particularly to my father), and I don't speak to them respectfully, among other things.

Oh well. We fly back tomorrow and drive home the day after that.

Wooing?

I feel as though Mr. Squirrel and I are being wooed. Not for sex (I don't think, although I'm notoriously dense about these things) but for... "couples BFF" or something.

I sorta feel like I need a shower, typing that.

This is new to me. We are not a social couple. In fact, one of the reasons we're a couple is that neither of us is overly social. A good Friday night in the Squirrel household involves cooking dinner and cuddling in front of the TV for an hour, before we run to our respective dens and pet our respective cats.

Lately, though, we've been getting lots of invitations from other couples to do stuff. Two other couples in particular, with a third lurking in the background. (I think couple #3 would really rather bond with couple #1 instead of us, but couple #1 seems uninterested in them, in that way.)

It's all rather too much like dating, for me. And we, the Squirrels, are that person that treats his/her dates like shit -- we don't call back, we're bad at returning emails, and we don't host dinners (the latter more because we don't have the space for it). Still, these couples seem to like being treated like that??

Please note: I really do like two of the couples. In a normal situation, I'd be very happy to see them on a somewhat regular basis... but for me, that means "when we bump into each other," because I suck at the social thing. I have very few people in the "friend" category, actually -- four? Not including family? And I talk to those people a couple times a year, and see them even less frequently.

Well, the exam wasn't the most thrilling thing in my life, but it went okay. Good thing, because I'm going to have to have them far more frequently: every two years, at this point.

They found three polyps - two large, one small - and are doing biopsies on the large ones.

Oh, I was on "low" sedation, at my request, so I remember all of it. And it did hurt a bit, but nothing horribly bad. After they snipped the first one, the doctor looked over at me and said "did you hear the ticking?" As I started wondering if I the was the only one on the wacky-inducers, he finishes with "'cause that was a time bomb, that one was."

Joy. (For those of you unaware of this, large polyps often become cancerous. Size really does matter, in this case, which is why people with family histories of them need more frequent procedures.)

I should find out next week about the results. I'm not overly worried... either it's cancer, or it's not. If it is, I'll starting worrying then. I don't imagine my father will be pleased, though. He was finishing his PhD in this very city when he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 32.

Beer is a clear liquid!

In the midst of SquirrelCar woes and Mr. Squirrel finally making it home, I had forgotten that I'm having a minor procedure/test tomorrow. The preparation for this - which everyone says is the worst part of it - requires that I don't eat any solid food, and drink only clear liquids.

Don't worry, I won't go into details about this... I'm rolling my eyes even as I type.

I'm looking at the list of what I'm "allowed" to drink/eat (cause you're allowed Jell-O, just no red Jell-O) and thinking "white wine and beer are both clear liquids, aren't they?"

So I googled. And indeed - according a reputable office that does said procedure, even - beer and white wine are both acceptable clear liquids.

Considering the general anxiety I'm feeling over this whole thing, I might just have made my own day.

I have four days to make a decision about my car.

Here's the deal: I'm at the end of my lease-type-thing and have a mid-sized balloon payment to refinance. This is fine, except that my (admittedly very low) monthly payment will go up by about $100.

My other option is to use my car as a trade-in on a new car - same weird lease-type-thing - and have the low payments again for another 2-3 years before a new balloon payment comes due. One assumes (*cough*) that in 2-3 years I won't be an ABD adjunct, any longer, and will better be able to make higher car payments.

Suggestions? Honestly, I'm leaning toward keeping my car, but part of me says that's being stupid.