After coming straight out in the last post and saying that I can't stand teaching right now, what am I supposed to do about it? I've always been a big believer in being happy with what you do for a living even if it means less money... so now that I have less money and I still hate my job after all, I feel a little fucked.
I came back from class this morning wanting to punch something. The students don't give a shit about class - they're graduating seniors, after all - and nothing at all gets them interested. Maybe I had more energy four years ago when I first taught this class, but it really seems like the interest level from the students has dropped off entirely. A sizable portion of them (10-15%) haven't even bothered to complete their midterm assignment, assuming (I guess) that I won't fail a graduating senior. Of course, I will, which is going to make post-semester email lots and lots of fun.
(And while I'm sure the "four years ago/energy" thing is partially true, it was also the semester I came off Zoloft and got pneumonia. I can't claim that was a really high-energy semester, eh?)
Er... this wasn't supposed to be more bitching. This was supposed to be figuring out what to do about things to make them better. I tried doing the "teach less/take out loans" route last Fall, and it was a disaster. Certainly I wrote two chapters of my dissertation, and taught an entirely new course, but for most of the time I think I just sat around. Plus, I'm already committed to five classes next semester, so there aren't a lot of options there.
I'm just stuck in this horrible rut where I don't care about anything and I don't feel like doing very much. I keep hoping that some external change - end of the semester, beginning of Spring, whatever - will make me feel better, but I've been hoping that for at least a year.
Update: I've just spent over an hour cleaning my study, in an attempt to sort out my... life? I have listed books on Amazon.com, I have vacuumed and taken out trash, and I've even put shoes away.* There's more cleaning out and organizing to be done, but I'm feeling spent.
*I have a gazillion shoes, even though I typically wear one or two pairs in a 6-month span. If I'll just be out for an hour or two, heels are possible, but lately my feet can't handle them.
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It sounds to me that you're just burnt out. Even when you take a break, you're still working (obviously!). I've gotten to the point that in order to teach 4 classes a semester, I have to design them very differently from when I was teaching only 1-2. Maybe some changes in how you design the course - to make it more work intensive for students but less work intensive for you - would help? I don't know...*hugs*
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