I've been going back and forth about posting this all day. I think I'm just a bit down, in general, and I'm not sure if posting about it is worthwhile. I guess I'm posting it with that caveat: this post sucks.
Possibly the most disappointing thing about this month was the lack of interviews. I applied for very few positions this year - four total, I think - but two of them were spot-on. One was a two-year (and they've hired ABD's way further out from completion in the past) and one was only a year and definitely takes ABD's every year they do this. So it's not the lack of dissertation, in this case.
With the one-year, I know my advisor dropped the ball again -- she didn't even try to get my letter in on time, and it ended up there two weeks after the deadline. I did contact the chair of the committee directly to explain that my advisor was out of town, etc., and she seemed understanding... but the end of January has come, and no interview.
How many people in the area could have possibly applied for this? It's a one-year, it's in the middle of nowhere, and I just don't understand.
I should be happy with my renewed interest in the dissertation, although I'm not really feeling it today (uh, the interest, that is. Or the happiness, actually). I'm feeling very positive that I can complete it, although I have worries about the rest of the process.
In fact, I suppose I'm just worried. With no job on the horizon for next fall, things could get difficult. I have some adjunct work already lined up, but two classes won't cover bills. I know that it will work out, somehow, but I feel down about just about everything academic.
On the personal/family side of things, January was fine. Ups and downs, obviously, but overall an okay month. Probably would have been better without the three weeks of illness.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I should have known.
When a student adds a class late, finds out it's a seminar (surprise! It's listed as such!) and then comments "oh, good... I like to talk..."
Run, people. I should have. Actually, I should have grabbed the add slip, torn it into tiny pieces, and sprinted to my car.
Yes, indeed, you like to talk. Unfortunately, derogatory comments about gay and bisexual lifestyles do NOT count as "critical thought" about the article. No. No they don't. Also, interrupting discussion with "that's just wrong!" is not going to earn you participation points.
*le sigh* I have a feeling Friday is going to be "we need to talk after class" day.
On edit: Only half a page written today, and it's not even typed. Sometimes I prefer writing (really writing -- longhand) to typing, so it's not necessarily a bad thing... in fact, my entire MA thesis was written out on yellow legal pads.
Run, people. I should have. Actually, I should have grabbed the add slip, torn it into tiny pieces, and sprinted to my car.
Yes, indeed, you like to talk. Unfortunately, derogatory comments about gay and bisexual lifestyles do NOT count as "critical thought" about the article. No. No they don't. Also, interrupting discussion with "that's just wrong!" is not going to earn you participation points.
*le sigh* I have a feeling Friday is going to be "we need to talk after class" day.
On edit: Only half a page written today, and it's not even typed. Sometimes I prefer writing (really writing -- longhand) to typing, so it's not necessarily a bad thing... in fact, my entire MA thesis was written out on yellow legal pads.
- One of my goals for today is a return to the exercise bike. This was supposed to happen about 20 minutes ago, but the batteries (which control the tension settings) are dead. Since I'm obviously not going out into the suddenly-20-degree weather until absolutely necessary, the bike will have to wait until this afternoon.
- I got on the scale for the first time in awhile, assuming that I would have gained back most of the weight I lost at the end of last year. Oddly enough, I haven't: I'm at the same weight I was at before the conference in November (and before a holiday season of much drinking). I think the lesson, here, is that maintaining my weight isn't going to be a major issue -- once I lose it, it stays off.
- I'm still worried about my class, despite seeing interested looks on most faces and having already had some good feedback about the structure. I know that nervousness is normal during the first week of a class, but I'm having to resort to a "one day at a time" type of mantra. In this, I constantly assure myself that I can end class early and the world will not screech to a halt; that - if necessary - I have plenty of discussion starters; that I can always have them free-write if things go totally south. None of this is stopping the dread that creeps up before I have to leave for class...
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Nifty!
Thanks to the crazy itineraries at RyanAir, it looks like we can fly into south-coastal Croatia and out of Budapest. I've been saying that Ljubljana, while obviously cool and interesting, would better be added on to a trip involving Venice, Trieste, Graz, and Vienna... if we can skip Ljubljana for now, we can have far more time in Albania and Bulgaria.
So I'm thinking that we book a flight into London and out of Frankfurt (two of the cheaper options, from the U.S.) and then super-cheap RyanAir tickets to Zadar from London and out of Budapest to Frankfurt. By super-cheap, by the way, I mean US$14 one way.
On edit: yes, I wrote two pages today. I should feel good about that, but I really don't.
So I'm thinking that we book a flight into London and out of Frankfurt (two of the cheaper options, from the U.S.) and then super-cheap RyanAir tickets to Zadar from London and out of Budapest to Frankfurt. By super-cheap, by the way, I mean US$14 one way.
On edit: yes, I wrote two pages today. I should feel good about that, but I really don't.
Monday, January 28, 2008
One of our cats is shitting outside the litter box. The boxes are spotlessly clean - thanks to this contraption, which makes the cleaning much easier - yet still, there is shit. I could retrace the whole history of the shitting issue, but... it's cat shit. It's really not that interesting.
(Annoying, yes. Interesting, not so much.)
Today I finished the full read-through and outline of chapter 4. This concludes the outlining of the dissertation, and begins the "start writing again, bitch" section of the semester. Hopes are high: let's all pay attention to the little word meter for chapter 1, and see if it moves from 61% by the end of the week.
Finally, we all know that I'm not really happy unless I'm planning a trip. Obviously, financial issues have resulted in several cancelled plans (first Ireland, last summer; then Rome, this winter) which means I have not left the country in over 18 months. The solution: plan a trip for next summer, and plan it in a "finances be damned" way.*
The current plan is to start in Hungary and loop around, moving to the south... Slovenia, Croatia, Albania, Macedonia, Bulgaria, and back up into Romania. We are in the process of trying to narrow things down, but it's difficult. However, six countries in five weeks sounds intimidating, and possibly *not* very vacation-like, especially considering the slower travel in some of the countries (apparently Croatia, Macedonia, and Albania have useful internal train systems, but they don't quite link up yet) so narrow we must.
I'm honestly most interested in Bulgaria, and I'm having a hard time giving up any of the town options, there. Medieval monasteries! Ancient ruins! Lots of beer, wine, and good food! Yes, yes, give me all of it.
*Yes, this means saving as much as possible and putting the rest on a credit card. I know, I know, it's evil. However, I've about had enough of planning for trips only to cancel them.
(Annoying, yes. Interesting, not so much.)
Today I finished the full read-through and outline of chapter 4. This concludes the outlining of the dissertation, and begins the "start writing again, bitch" section of the semester. Hopes are high: let's all pay attention to the little word meter for chapter 1, and see if it moves from 61% by the end of the week.
Finally, we all know that I'm not really happy unless I'm planning a trip. Obviously, financial issues have resulted in several cancelled plans (first Ireland, last summer; then Rome, this winter) which means I have not left the country in over 18 months. The solution: plan a trip for next summer, and plan it in a "finances be damned" way.*
The current plan is to start in Hungary and loop around, moving to the south... Slovenia, Croatia, Albania, Macedonia, Bulgaria, and back up into Romania. We are in the process of trying to narrow things down, but it's difficult. However, six countries in five weeks sounds intimidating, and possibly *not* very vacation-like, especially considering the slower travel in some of the countries (apparently Croatia, Macedonia, and Albania have useful internal train systems, but they don't quite link up yet) so narrow we must.
I'm honestly most interested in Bulgaria, and I'm having a hard time giving up any of the town options, there. Medieval monasteries! Ancient ruins! Lots of beer, wine, and good food! Yes, yes, give me all of it.
*Yes, this means saving as much as possible and putting the rest on a credit card. I know, I know, it's evil. However, I've about had enough of planning for trips only to cancel them.
I added the little chapter meters on the side, and I'm not sure how I feel about them. I know that it used to be three chapters over half done - remember, two and three were formerly the same chapter - but now it looks further away from being finished.
Sort of.
We'll see how today goes, work-wise.
This is the first full week of classes, and I'm interested to see how things flesh out. I'm not exactly nervous about class today, but I'm... jittery? I've changed things around yet again, and I'm curious whether it will make class easier or more difficult. I judged last semester's class as generally better for the changes I made there, which made me more excited about switching up things in this class. However, I might have given myself far more work than in the previous version of the course, if things don't go well.
*looks around nervously*
Sort of.
We'll see how today goes, work-wise.
This is the first full week of classes, and I'm interested to see how things flesh out. I'm not exactly nervous about class today, but I'm... jittery? I've changed things around yet again, and I'm curious whether it will make class easier or more difficult. I judged last semester's class as generally better for the changes I made there, which made me more excited about switching up things in this class. However, I might have given myself far more work than in the previous version of the course, if things don't go well.
*looks around nervously*
Sunday, January 27, 2008
doing away with baby blue text?
Yesterday: not productive. I went into the office and found it was already occupied by another adjunct. I suppose I could have stayed - there are two desks, after all - but the mood in the room wasn't great.
Today: more productive. I outlined ch. 3 and, again, noted several problems that are quite easy to fix. I do apparently have all four chapters in some form or another -- ch. 3 got mushed into ch. 2 and while both of them need serious expanding/revision, the guts of both are already there.
Must keep up the "little bit of work every day." Even though it doesn't take long to go through and read these chapters, it has helped immensely.
Today: more productive. I outlined ch. 3 and, again, noted several problems that are quite easy to fix. I do apparently have all four chapters in some form or another -- ch. 3 got mushed into ch. 2 and while both of them need serious expanding/revision, the guts of both are already there.
Must keep up the "little bit of work every day." Even though it doesn't take long to go through and read these chapters, it has helped immensely.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Saturday?
I'm about to head into the office. I managed to accomplish my reading/note-taking goal yesterday, and if I finish ch. 3 today I'll be almost done. Yesterday I realized that one major issue is the order of the chapters -- actually, I knew that already, but I figured out how to fix it quite easily.
I think I might take a plant. (Uh, that's not supposed to be a metaphor.)
I think I might take a plant. (Uh, that's not supposed to be a metaphor.)
Friday, January 25, 2008
In-between Land
How exactly did I get here?
Being ABD for this long - three years, now - seems to being having consequences in other areas of my life.
I am Liminal Chick.
Some of it is obviously direct: I adjunct because I have no final degree (and because moving around for one-year contracts, as some of my friends do, is less possible when you have a partner who also needs to work). My "office space" is shared with five other people, all adjuncts, and it's not the most welcoming space.
Because we're not settled as to place - because we adjunct, because we're both ABD - we have a nice but temporary apartment. Don't get me wrong: I feel incredibly lucky that we have the place we have, but I would eventually like a house. With a yard. And a garden.
And, of course, there's the lack of savings. I have some money put aside right now, but it's all earmarked for this semester... my lighter schedule = lighter paychecks.
One thing is unrelated to the ABD status, but got me thinking about in-between states: I'm squarely between a size 10 and 12 right now. 10 is slightly too small, 12 is slightly too big. This means 12's with belts -- not the most flattering fashion look. I have one pair of pants that apparently defies conventional sizing (10's that fit perfectly) and they look fantastic on me. However, the zipper de-tracked the other day and I can't seem to fix it.
In baby blue text news, my goal for the day is to read and outline chapter two.
I am unsure whether I should be making changes as I see necessary, or whether I should really concentrate on outlining (and thus, reading) the entire thing in a short span of time. I think that the full read-through is the most important, right now.
Being ABD for this long - three years, now - seems to being having consequences in other areas of my life.
I am Liminal Chick.
Some of it is obviously direct: I adjunct because I have no final degree (and because moving around for one-year contracts, as some of my friends do, is less possible when you have a partner who also needs to work). My "office space" is shared with five other people, all adjuncts, and it's not the most welcoming space.
Because we're not settled as to place - because we adjunct, because we're both ABD - we have a nice but temporary apartment. Don't get me wrong: I feel incredibly lucky that we have the place we have, but I would eventually like a house. With a yard. And a garden.
And, of course, there's the lack of savings. I have some money put aside right now, but it's all earmarked for this semester... my lighter schedule = lighter paychecks.
One thing is unrelated to the ABD status, but got me thinking about in-between states: I'm squarely between a size 10 and 12 right now. 10 is slightly too small, 12 is slightly too big. This means 12's with belts -- not the most flattering fashion look. I have one pair of pants that apparently defies conventional sizing (10's that fit perfectly) and they look fantastic on me. However, the zipper de-tracked the other day and I can't seem to fix it.
In baby blue text news, my goal for the day is to read and outline chapter two.
I am unsure whether I should be making changes as I see necessary, or whether I should really concentrate on outlining (and thus, reading) the entire thing in a short span of time. I think that the full read-through is the most important, right now.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Yes, I'm still sick.
Don't you love starting the new semester with a hacking cough? I'm put in mind of my smoking days.
I worked on my dissertation today.
I say that in unreadable baby blue letters because I don't want to jinx it, and for some reason the smaller letters I wanted to use won't work, and this still makes me feel better.
When I worked on it yesterday, I realized that I'm a bit lost... I've never used outlines and - with as long as this project has been going on - I've lost track of some things. Today, my goal was to reread chapter one and outline it in some detail.
The goal for the next several days is to do this to the other chapters. I will (hopefully) then be reacquainted with the ~100 pages I have already written, and able to finish the last chapter. Soon.
On edit: I seem to have broken my font sizes.
I worked on my dissertation today.
I say that in unreadable baby blue letters because I don't want to jinx it, and for some reason the smaller letters I wanted to use won't work, and this still makes me feel better.
When I worked on it yesterday, I realized that I'm a bit lost... I've never used outlines and - with as long as this project has been going on - I've lost track of some things. Today, my goal was to reread chapter one and outline it in some detail.
The goal for the next several days is to do this to the other chapters. I will (hopefully) then be reacquainted with the ~100 pages I have already written, and able to finish the last chapter. Soon.
On edit: I seem to have broken my font sizes.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hmmm
This is supposed to be the "class" meme. I have huge issues with it, but obviously I'm doing it anyway.
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college Well, it wasn't in the states, but I suppose it was the equivalent of an AA.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers. This I'm supposed to know?
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 That was a bad idea.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs Undergrad, yes, but I also went to a state school...
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house Most of the time...
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child Part of the time...
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family I'm not clear on this one. I was aware heating was expensive and that my dad had fixed the thermostat so that it didn't go above 65... does that count?
So, gentle reader, what "class" do I get?
My parents are both college-educated, but they were the first generation in their respective families to go to college. When I was born - I'm the youngest of three - my father had finally finished his PhD, and had secured a TT job. Obviously that drastically changed the income level in our family.
Still, through all of grade school and junior high I was wearing mostly hand-me-downs and we certainly didn't have extra spending money. I assume that most of their income went to buying the house, as that was important to my parents.
Also, we traveled because my mother's family is quite spread-out. She didn't visit home for almost 15 years after moving to the U.S., and I was lucky enough to be the one who "couldn't be left home" when she finally did go.
So: I had books, and I traveled (although we certainly didn't stay in hotels). No TV in my room, no cruises - cruises are the mark of something? - no new car, and I started working when I was 15.
Uh, if this is really a meme about "class," wouldn't the age you got your first job be somewhat more relevant than "original art" in your house?
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college Well, it wasn't in the states, but I suppose it was the equivalent of an AA.
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers. This I'm supposed to know?
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 That was a bad idea.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs Undergrad, yes, but I also went to a state school...
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house Most of the time...
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child Part of the time...
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family I'm not clear on this one. I was aware heating was expensive and that my dad had fixed the thermostat so that it didn't go above 65... does that count?
So, gentle reader, what "class" do I get?
My parents are both college-educated, but they were the first generation in their respective families to go to college. When I was born - I'm the youngest of three - my father had finally finished his PhD, and had secured a TT job. Obviously that drastically changed the income level in our family.
Still, through all of grade school and junior high I was wearing mostly hand-me-downs and we certainly didn't have extra spending money. I assume that most of their income went to buying the house, as that was important to my parents.
Also, we traveled because my mother's family is quite spread-out. She didn't visit home for almost 15 years after moving to the U.S., and I was lucky enough to be the one who "couldn't be left home" when she finally did go.
So: I had books, and I traveled (although we certainly didn't stay in hotels). No TV in my room, no cruises - cruises are the mark of something? - no new car, and I started working when I was 15.
Uh, if this is really a meme about "class," wouldn't the age you got your first job be somewhat more relevant than "original art" in your house?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Haven't blogged for quite awhile. Started a post yesterday, but tossed it for all kinds of reasons.
I've been rather sick the last week. Yes, it happens. Today is annoying me, however: I've been feeling better, yet hearing from multiple fronts that I "seem worse." For someone with anxiety disorder that's practically guaranteeing a stellar freak out, and I'm trying to stop that from happening.
The issue? I have a cough. No temperature, no sore throat, no headache. Not coughing up anything with odd colors or tastes (sorry to be graphic, but I've had pneumonia and bronchitis enough to know what to... look... for). For about two days it was a bad chest-type cough, but in the last two days it has eased up.
I think I need another couple days of rest, and many hot showers. My husband seems to think I should have gone to the doctor already -- this from a guy who hasn't been to a doctor in five years.
I can take nice, deep breaths without feeling the slightest need to cough. My sinuses are (now) completely clear, although I'm guessing that's where this started.
Am I not allowed to have a normal illness without it being doctor-worthy?
Please?
I've been rather sick the last week. Yes, it happens. Today is annoying me, however: I've been feeling better, yet hearing from multiple fronts that I "seem worse." For someone with anxiety disorder that's practically guaranteeing a stellar freak out, and I'm trying to stop that from happening.
The issue? I have a cough. No temperature, no sore throat, no headache. Not coughing up anything with odd colors or tastes (sorry to be graphic, but I've had pneumonia and bronchitis enough to know what to... look... for). For about two days it was a bad chest-type cough, but in the last two days it has eased up.
I think I need another couple days of rest, and many hot showers. My husband seems to think I should have gone to the doctor already -- this from a guy who hasn't been to a doctor in five years.
I can take nice, deep breaths without feeling the slightest need to cough. My sinuses are (now) completely clear, although I'm guessing that's where this started.
Am I not allowed to have a normal illness without it being doctor-worthy?
Please?
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